Sunday, July 19, 2009

5 Days

Today has been a pretty good day so far, but as I've learned being 5 days completely free of anti-anxiety meds, it could change in an instant.

I actually cried at the Emmy nominations because Chandra Wilson from Grey’s Anatomy received two nominations. Yes, I’m happy for her. It’s nice to see a woman get recognition for more than her streamlined body and blond hair. They were happy tears because I think she probably has worked very hard and deserved it. In my opinion this woman is a fierce actress and my happiness for her showed. On the other hand, I cried at the Emmy nominations.

Up next, Regis & Kelly, whom I enjoy very much. I love Kelly Ripa. She totally has my sense of humor. I like to imagine if Kelly and I ever got the chance to hang out, we would be forever friends. I know, just how all her fans feel. But, we really are very similar..WE ARE!!

Today, Regis called Harry Potter, Peter Potter and this made me laugh uncontrollably for a good half hour. I mean, anyone who is familiar in the least with Regis knows he mispronounces names all the time, but this struck me as the funniest thing I`ve heard in a while. The look of surrender on Kelly`s face was hilarious enough, but I laughed for a HALF HOUR. And not just a giggle, this was a belly laugh complete with gasps for air. Did I mention I was by myself?

While driving to Walmart later on to get some Emla cream to soften the blow of the tattoo I’m getting tomorrow (whole other blog) as part of my Mid-life Crisis Tour, “All Summer Long” by Kid Rock came on the radio. I automatically cranked it and started rocking out…which really is not unusual. I like my rock and this song reminds me of my summers growing up. I was completely into it, stopped at a light, music cranked and just like ever cliche of this sort of thing, a man in a sports car pulled up beside me. I looked out the corner of my eye and tried to suppress my inner rock goddess. I do have to admit this was really hard and I was feeling a bit put out because I really wanted to sing the next part.

“Catchin' Walleye off the dock. Watchin' the waves roll of the rocks. She’ll forever hold a spot inside my soul.”

And just as fast as I started, I began to cry. Yup, cried! Brutal. Bob Richie (aka Kid Rock) would be so disappointed. Not to mention the guy beside me (who was clearly going through a mid-life crisis of his own) must of thought I was a freak! In his defense, I am, sort of, right now. The look of confusion on his face right before the light turned green was enough encouragement for me to pull myself together.

I don`t blame him for the jaw dropping. Especially if you know what I look like. I`m not exactly the type you would catagorize as a rock chick; short blond hair, neat appearance, etc. He probably was stunned I was even listening to Kid Rock.

When I was younger, I was pegged more for the Duran Duran crowd ...that`s why I had an endless supply of metal t-shirts and hung out with the boys from the local bands. No, not in a nasty way. Gawd, people. I just liked to listen to them play. And I enjoyed their company very much. Still do. And in a sense they will, "forever hold a spot inside my soul."

Which I guess is the reason I cried.

With all these emotions it`s tough to see who the real me is anymore. However, it`s becoming clear the two years I was on the meds, my emotions lied rather dormant. It wasn`t as though I couldn`t feel, but I felt a lot less. And although the last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster, I still think weaning off was the right thing to do. I mean who wants to miss out on the belly laughs, even if it costs you a few tears?

1 comment:

  1. I love that song... and ironically, it makes me sad...